Scary subject to start with, but it is something I've always been passionate about. Having children automatically places a responsibility on the parents / parent. It doesn't mean grands are required, by law, to enter into the role of caregivers. But, on the other hand, how does one stand back and just look at a situation going down...potentially hurtful to an innocent child? Well, my first statement is ambiguous, to say the least.
Now, this is where I get frustrated and delete and start again...only to do the same thing again. This time I am sticking to what I have started. I don't like deadbeat parents or people. I am not putting myself on a pedistal, because I'd fall off while carrying the guilt and unworthiness of being on one. I am not a perfect parent, and like my daughter told me tonight, was never a very good one. So now, am I one of those deadbeats that I dislike?
I wasn't a good mom. I wanted a good life for my daughter....a productive life...happiness, respect, goals reached...I expected her best in what she did, I expected her to respect herself, I expected what I had always viewed as a normal life....well, I ruined her life because this is not what she wanted for herself. She told me that, also.
Now, we are not enemies. We have so much love for each other. But, I do ask myself...if I hadn't wanted anything for her would she have wanted it for herself? That's one of those questions that will and can make you crazy by dwelling on it. Well, it two thirty in the morning, so I guess I am dwelling.
Her life is nothing that I wished for her, so I do carry guilt. Let me know what you think? I'm listening...thanks and God bless.
